samedi, novembre 29, 2003

I've been a bit nostalgic lately, due a lot to being home and having the reality of losing a lot coming fast upon me. This was my last Thanksgiving for at least two years and Christmas will be too. My mom made this known as we sat down to Thanksgiving dinner and keeps dropping guilt on me for wanting to leave. Everyone does this and it makes me feel a bit selfish - like taking this trip is depriving everyone else of my presence. (It kinda makes me feel happy at the same time too! I'm liked!) Yet this is something that's important to me and my family, especially, needs to learn to accept it. Yes, I realize I won't be coming home for almost a year (about eleven months, actually) but this is a decision I've already made and I am responsible enough to have thought of all the little details already. ("Now remember to talk to your teacher and all the people when you go back about Japan." Eh, I don't think she can even say "Akita" she always just says Japan.) But hmm.

Anyway, about me being nostalgic. I visited my old job today and it was a bit of a wrench. I saw Kendra and she was obnoxiously perky as usual. I'm glad things aren't for me like they are for her - her dad threw her out awhile ago and I had assumed things would eventually get better, but it's been almost a year and she's now living with her boyfriend. (Four years older than her and is also her boss.) She opted for not going to college yet in favor of working two jobs and earning enough to attend Regents Beauty Academy next fall. Eh. Makes me feel like a snobby rich-kid with the still-married parents and the luxurious SUVs and stable in the backyard. All I need is a vineyard and a pool and I can be officially referred to as "spoiled." (Oh, an interior decorator would benefit this place too, as some of you have pointed out . . .)

ANYWAY.

Um, did something bad today, guys. . .

I bought FFX2 . . .

Someone take away my check card, please.

OH, AND! About my nostalgia again. I read some old writing and actually admired my old self. In the writing, I made some pretty decent life observations (it was fictional fantasy, so this is quite an acheivement) and I realized I have quite a talent for characterization, if not originality. The old story needs a bit of re-tooling, but I greatly admire it and almost cried!! Ah! My own writing almost moved me to tears! That's because I nearly fall in love with my characters and when I have bad things happen to them, I feel it too. Oh, I'm such a weirdo! It's creepily amazing that a writer can conjure up images of a world in her own head, transfer those images into marks on a page, and through the catalytic action of reading, have those same images appear in a reader's mind. How can an idea leap like that from one brain to another? It's just astounding. Even reading old writing was like a time travel - I had true insight into myself from the past. I believe that fiction writing tells more about a person that journal writing does - which could be why Stacy is reluctant to show her works to anyone.

Eh, too much existentialism. I'm being told to shut up and I'm only typing. Go figure.

M | 11/29/2003 08:52:00 PM| comment

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vendredi, novembre 28, 2003

Here's what happens when you try to do what you think is the right thing: People Are MEAN!!!

Okay, this one chick apparently signed up for AOL Instant Messenger, but gave the people my email address on mistake. So I keep getting all these emails about her AIM stuff and I am sick of it cluttering my inbox. One of these emails included her screenname and password so I figured, hey, I'll sign on as her, wait until someone IMs me, explain the situation, and the girl can change her email address and get these emails instead and everyone will be happier in the end. Whee!

So I did this, and the person that talked to me bitched me out! jerks. So everyone has to harass this girl for me because all of her friends are jerks and four years younger than me so they deserve a little taste of shit. Her sn is: x07ashley07x and feel free to do whatever.

M | 11/28/2003 10:29:00 PM| comment

***
This is something that happened to Timmy and I today. Just about fifteen minutes ago, as a matter of fact. My parents and Brian and Christopher are gone, so it's just the two of us home. Timmy went outside and then dashes back inside, "Melissa! There's a mouse in the can can!" (The can can is this garbage can we put pop cans in to recycle them.)

I rush outside going "What?"

He points to the can can and says, "I heard it! There's a mouse in there!"

I look in. There's maybe twenty cans in there, barely enough to make two layers of cans. I listen carefully and sure enough, heard a little scritchy noise.

"Hold on," I said. "I'm going to go and get a flashlight and some shoes." After I did that, we looked around the garbage can, not seeing the mouse anywhere. Timmy poked around with a stick and I said, "Are you sure it's in there?" Right then , there was the scritchy noise again. Timmy put a baseball mitt on and dug around, pulling out every can and looking inside. Finally, inside a Diet Coke can, was the mouse. It was poking its head out and I figured it had gotten in there and then grown, therefore trapping itself forever in the can.

I went inside again to get a pair of gloves and a good knife. I figured I would be cutting the poor mouse out.

When I came out, I took the can from Timmy and prepared to make the first incision, but the mouse decided that right then, it would show that it was just pretending and squeeze out! So there I stood, an open knife in one hand, and a can of Diet Coke and a mouse in the other. Um, yeah. I let it go, but on the garage floor so I'm sure that wasn't quite an effort to save its life. Oh well. I tried. Timmy and I made a good effort and I'm sure when we tell our parents, they will not be quite so pleased with our "Rescue 911"-quality efforts. ("Why save a mouse?" "It got in there, it could've gotten out!" "Those creatures have rabies!" blah blah blah . . .) Ah well. Life goes on, definitely for the mouse.

I will keep you posted on my parents' reactions and how closely they matched my predictions.

M | 11/28/2003 07:03:00 PM| comment

***

jeudi, novembre 27, 2003

My little brother told me to go home today. This is because he got all pissy when I told him not to tease the cat so he said "You should go back to school tomorrow and not come back!" And I said, "Maybe I WILL, you little priss!" Little buttwad . . .

It's so excruciatingly boring . . . I'm compelled to do my homework purely out of boredom. I realized that my family is disgusting. Every one of them will just cut a fart nonchalantly and look around, proud of it. It's gross. I mean, I realize our group of friends is sometimes immature and gross, but at least we have the manners to keep bodily functions out of the loop. Honestly. And Christopher will cut one and go "I farted!" and smile like someone is due to grant him a gold medal. Great job, eh? This is so immature, I just wince.

My mother is also trying to subtly lay guilt on me for my Japan plans. "Well, guys, Melissa may not be here for Thanksgiving next year, so . . . let's enjoy this while we can." I'm like "Okay, excuse me while I try not to cry into my turkey." (Really, I just grant her an "eyebrow raise.")

Oh, and I played DDR today at a movie theatre. Kicked ass, of course. See, I was like top player in our school (until, of course, I hooked Aaron S. and Yoko on it and they became better than me and I cried myself to sleep every night . . . just kidding) and I only did light mode. Now, I can finally do Standard mode and occasionally Hard mode, but feel mediocre when up against Tyler and Isaiah and even Katie. Eh, it's tough being not the best when you're used to being the best, but I'll get over it. I learned this lesson about my art, thankfully, before I entered college. This is one of the benefits of the internet: I was able to post my art for other people to see and then I learned that I wasn't the best and therefore, was mentally capable of improving. Heh, interesting concept, no? If you aren't aware that you're not the best, you aren't capable of improvement and, therefore, can never be THE BEST. What a paradox.

Oh, and I said "get over yourself" to Timmy today and my dad said "that was uncalled for." I said, "Um, okay. but I don't really care." He said, "Obviously." I said, "Okay, I say that all the time and never mean it. Geez." Pssht. My family takes itself way too seriously.

On a lighter note, the Christmas tree is up and so are the cats. Xena likes to sleep there and Jack isn't aware that he's too fat to climb to the top branch.

Eh, long-winded, but what else am I supposed to do? Read your guys' journals that you don't post on? Talk online to the nobody that is on? Email the people that don't reply to my emails? Eh, no. DO MY HOMEWORK? God forbid.

.

M | 11/27/2003 10:21:00 PM| comment

***
I'm bored. It's really rough not having a computer at my access whenever I feel like it. Someone's always on the computer and they're always on it for like three hours. And I go find something to occupy myself with and when I come back, someone ELSE is using the computer and I sit there going "GEEZ!" And then I finally get on the computer and sit down to check my email and . . . ONE MESSAGE! And it's JUNK MAIL! I emailed four people yesterday, with the high hopes of getting some in return from a real person, but that turned out to be a failure. So here I sit, listening to my family argue over which movie we'll see and hearing everything I'll ever care to hear about KMart. So bored.

Oh, and as of this moment, I plan to take the train home. This is for my own personal reasons, so if you ask, I'll kick you in the face.

.

M | 11/27/2003 01:59:00 PM| comment

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mercredi, novembre 26, 2003

Ah, so home at last. The car ride was . . . umcomfortable to say the least. I don't know what was going on, but there was definitely a strange mood in the air. I tried my best to ignore it, but that only works for so long. Oh well. I'm home now and don't have to worry about it.

Brian was having a party when I got here - one of those rip-roaring fiestas he calls "X-Box Parties." They played Halo till their ears bled - or until my mom said "EVERYONE MUST LEAVE" Brian thought it was hilarious when I said "what the fuck ever" and I told him he should meet Kristina. Then today, Christopher was blessed with the wonders of www.goatse.cx and www.tubgirl.com and walked around the house going "EWWW!" for a few minutes while Brian's like "Show me, show me, show me!"

Oh and, like usual, I woke up to screaming and "DON'T RAPE ME!" I wish I was joking.

Current airfare to Tokyo: $737. Wee ha! My parents are going to "talk over my plans" this weekend, but I say "meh," and plan on going no matter what they decide.

I'm watching a show that I thought was relatively decent until I realized it was Star Trek and almost collapsed on myself.

My mom really wants to spend time with me. She even comes into my room and hangs out and just stands there, talking to me. It's peculiar because I really don't mind.

My brothers don't really get raped, they like to pretend they do.

Here's a few jokes for the road, guys.

What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaay

Who feeds them?
Haaay guuuys.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day, the other makes your hole weak.

Happy Thanksgiving.

M | 11/26/2003 07:10:00 PM| comment

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lundi, novembre 24, 2003

. . . and I'm not tired.

Downloaded music, did Pilates, studied for about 2-3 hours for Asstronomy and 1 hour for Japanese.

At around 7:30, I called my mom and talked to her. Boy, it's awkward giving marital advice to your own mother. She said she was actually considering a separation or divorce, which really struck me. She then said it would be devastating to Timmy - which it would be because he is really attached to my dad. I don't know what I feel about this; it almost made me cry - mainly because my mother was crying so hard - but I realized that neither of them have the conviction to follow through with a divorce. My mother is the type of person that would rather work things out the hard way then take the quick and easy path to salvation. I think they will probably go to counselling - most likely to Pastor Dan, which would be great because he's a spectacular person. (I just think it would be a little awkward in church, though. Eh.)

And I know it seems like looking at porn is a very mild thing to do, but he promised my mom twice that he wouldn't do it and he kept on doing it - and covering up his tracks. He obviously knew it was wrong since he had been discovered - by his own children. My mother feels betrayed and worthless. I can see why she feels this way.

But, um, whatever. I know a lot of you read this and are just thinking "wow, oh my gosh, I never knew things were like this." Well, um, I think I'm okay. I'll probably be a mite angsty about it, but venting in my journal helps a little. At least it helps me to realize that the problems I think I have now are pretty trivial and I shouldn't worry about the things I do. So, ah . . . (this takes balls, please realize this) Kristina, if you read this - I think I'm ready to talk to you, apologize, and be friends again because I made a few mistakes and am semi-retarded so . . . yeah. I'll talk to you whenever.

Geh. Life is wacky.

M | 11/24/2003 08:12:00 AM| comment

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dimanche, novembre 23, 2003

This story is a bit of a memoir, but is essential for anyone to read - because it may explain any potential bad moods in the upcoming days.

Many years ago when the internet was young and I had recently discovered that porno was very accessible on it, I learned something not good.

One day, I wandered into the family room in my house and my dad was using the computer. He was looking at porn. I was shocked (well, kind of. I think I expected it.) and ran off. My dad wanted to "have a talk" with me (and probably silence me) but I wouldn't stand for it. So that night I told my mom what I discovered and they had "a talk." It was an uncomfortable few days, I'll tell you that.

Years later, in fact, last year, my parents decided we use the internet too much and password-protected it. Well, I'm a smart person, so I immediately learned how to hack and figured out the password within days. I used a program called "Winvestigator" which records every keystroke. I suddenly began to figure some things out about my family. Someone in the family would regularly visit pornographic sites on Fridays. I figured at first that it was Brian - I don't remember why. But then Christopher and I looked at the times on the key log and discovered that it was my dad. He gets off work early on Fridays and the times coincided. Another uncomfortable confrontation. You'd figure he'd learn to either not do it anymore, do it at work, or buy some pornos that he can hide.

Well, no.

Christopher IMed me recently and let me know that he discovered that my dad is yet again at the porno. And my mom is utterly shattered at this to the point of bursting into tears during a phone argument. She's since confronted him about it and I can't understand why he would keep on doing it. I mean, honestly, my mom's chew-out sessions are things that can make you suicidal afterwards. (Truly. And I have the physical proof if you pay enough attention.) So why would he keep up with it? Honestly.

Eh, so I have the nagging feeling that either massive therapy or trial separation is in the works, so we'll see how things work! I'm really sick of my dad acting like two different people. This is why I'm so dead set on riding home with Stacy; my dad would be the one picking me up and that would be mightily awkward. I can't sit in a car with him for three and a half hours. It just doesn't work.

So, um, I'm not being angsty. It's just a highly strange time of my life in which everything seems to be going in different directions. It makes me really look forward to Akita . . . *eyebrow*

And Christopher, if you happen to read this, do not mention it to anyone. I don't think it would be right if anyone in the family besides you knew about this. Don't tell anyone about my journal, please.

M | 11/23/2003 11:35:00 PM| comment

***
Dude, that song line is so appropriate and makes a perfect header. Really.

Today was the Japan Club Fair and it was much fun! I folded tons of origami, even showing some Korean girls and an older British woman how to do that blowy pinwheel thingy that I seem to have a skill for. Makiko showed me how to make this weird star thing and I've been making tons of them, but I call them "Awakeness Testers" because of this: Yoppi apparently stayed awake all night and was very tired to the point of nearly falling asleep standing up so I threw one at him and yelled "CATCH!" just to see if he was awake. THen I did this to Stacy and she did it to me, but I missed so was evidently sleeping. All the girls at the Fair were wearing Yukatas and they were just gorgeous! I kept telling them that they were so pretty (kirei)!

I finally got to talk to Yoko today too! At first, I called her and it was her mom at first, so she gave the phone to Yoko's dad, who speaks English. He said Yoko wasn't there and that she would call back. And she did! Yay! A phone call for me! We talked for a long time - nearly an hour. It was great, she told me some very odd stories - including a grocery store advertising "Discunt Foods" (and then I had to explain the meaning of that word to her, which was . . . interesting to say the least.) She told me all about how hard she is studying - even to the point of going to a math tutor. It blows my mind how dedicated the Japanese are to their studies - it's very impressive. Go Yoko!

Well, that must be all. So . . .

BYE

M | 11/23/2003 12:33:00 AM| comment

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vendredi, novembre 21, 2003

Today was amazingly fun - I have only interacted with three Americans the entire day (my mom, Tyler, and Annie) and the rest it was all the Japanese people. We met in the Minne parking lot and went to Rochester Fruit Market and that was such an ordeal. We were in there for an hour but we had a lot of fun. Shuei tries so hard to do everything right and if it weren't for Tomo, who kept running around and being the only person who actually did anything of consequence, we would still be there. Then we went to HyVee and that proved the same. We all stood around with three carts in the middle of an aisle, blocking everyone else's way. We realized that all of us together are a bunch of dysfunctional people, but we had a lot of fun. So we concluded that the collection of us as a group should never work together on anything again. Oh, and me and Maya were laughing about a lot of stuff so it was psychotic.

After that, off to decorate the place where they hold the fair tomorrow. I was there for about four hours and that was fun too!

I do feel somewhat awkward when I'm sitting there and they all talk Japanese and I'm like "la la la, I'm the American . . ." But oh well, it gives me a spectacular opportunity to brush up on my Japanese.

M | 11/21/2003 08:48:00 PM| comment

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jeudi, novembre 20, 2003

I have a lot of fun whenever I go to Japan Club. It's always interesting to listen to everyone's conversations and see how much I understand - which is surprisingly a lot of it. And I just say "Nani? What did he say?" to whoever I'm sitting next to when someone says something I don't understand. Shuei asked Annie and me if it was okay to conduct the meeting in Japanese and we were like "Hai, hai." And luckily I was sitting next to Maya and Risa or it would have been hopeless because I sat there thinking, "Now why is everyone standing up and walking around? Hmm, should I stand up and walk around?" So I did. I stood up and walked around, eventually finding out what I was supposed to do. And it's hilarious because if I say "?????????????l????" they laugh and say, "No you're not!" (I'm a stupid American.) Definitely fun times.

So yeah, there is no dancing around the fact that I must do laundry and I must do it within the next hour. (Or I will never do it. This is true.)

Well, of to maybe start up my laundry or maybe procrastinate that for awhile - I procrastinate everything. Go figure.

M | 11/20/2003 10:17:00 PM| comment

***
Do-or-die laundry day and I have a ton of things to do!

M | 11/20/2003 05:45:00 PM| comment

***
I toyed with some new origami design for over an hour and never did get it right. Go figure.

So, mm, yeah. One of my friends from back home IMed me and said that another friend's mom had died. (The girl who IMed me being Ang, and the girl whose mom died being Jessie.) Okay, let me figure this out . . . I never was too fond of Jessie. When Ang told me this, I was lost for words. Sure, it's sad that Jessie's mom died and I fully understand the pain she's feeling, but I don't know what I can do about it. The best I could come up with to reply to Ang was "I'm sorry . . . I hope Jessie's doing okay." I'd never met her mom and was not or never will be close enough to Jessie to really . . . well to really care. I do not want that to sound apathetic, because that's not what I'm trying to convey at all, but I don't even know what the appropriate way to act is. Oh well.

So, ah, I'm kind of lost for things now. What with the spontaneous hatred directed towards me and me standing in my room, literally dumbfounded as to what happened, I don't know what to do. Plus, my old pain is back. I haven't gotten a stomachache of this magnitude in months but this evening I was doubled over in pain so intense I was crying. It hurts so bad and I can't make it go away. I thought a new life would cure it, but it turns out that my old life and my new life have things in common: pain. Physical pain, I mean, but I suppose there's other pain involved. But goddammit, if this stomach pain will continue for the rest of my life I think I'd better see a doctor and have it cured - because there will always be people that hurt me.

Oh and I figured out something. And I'm going to phrase this very carefully and perhaps cryptically so as not to anger anyone (even though this is, in fact, my own journal and I shouldn't give a shit what other people think of what I write). The quality that I respect most in other people is the truth. This is why Yoko and I got along so well; Yoko never lied to me and she was never a fake person. She was very true to herself and managed to keep a positive outlook on life. Stacy is similair to Yoko in this way; I can honestly say that I trust Stacy in the same way that I trusted Yoko. I think that this quality is more binding of two people than any shared interests at all. Sounds a bit corny, eh? Well the truth is usually corny and if it's not - well I guess you could say you struck some luck with non-corny truth - whatever that means.

Oh, and Yoko's birthday is in a few days! It's on the 23rd, but I call her on the 22nd right at 9:00 PM (it will be 11:00 AM on the 23rd then) to wish her a happy birthday. I hope she's there - it's very difficult to get a hold of her lately.

Well, maybe tomorrow (today) will be better. One can only hope, because today - while not being entirely shitty - had some pretty stupid points to it.

M | 11/20/2003 02:47:00 AM| comment

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mercredi, novembre 19, 2003

Thanks everyone, for hating me. What a super feeling!

M | 11/19/2003 10:53:00 PM| comment

***
A quote:

"If we could choose who we fall in love with, it would be a lot easier but a whole lot less . . . magicer. Yeah."

I like South Park a lot.

.

M | 11/19/2003 08:55:00 PM| comment

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The adagious demon? It's back.

M | 11/19/2003 07:06:00 PM| comment

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Okay, let me clear up one small little thing.

The journal idea itself is in place for people to write their thoughts and ideas down. The online idea is to let your friends know how you think. Everyone's mind works differently, so it can be quite interesting. But the journal itself, since it is an insight into the person's mind, CANNOT BE RIDICULED. If people think you are too angsty in your journal, that is their problem. The thoughts are your own and if they have a problem with the way you think or what you type - that's just too bad.

If I pretended my life was just happiness and caring and kindness all around and only wrote about the good things that happen to me, I'd be hiding behind some sort of sick mask. And because I choose to write about things the way I see them, I'm suddenly evil and doing everything wrong. So what if I complain about the way things are going in my journal? That's what it's there FOR so why can't I? It's completely and totally your choice to read it or not so if you have a problem with it then I don't really care.

And to Kristina: you are blowing things way the hell out of proportion and it's unnecessary. And whatever if it's journal sniping - I don't care.

M | 11/19/2003 07:00:00 PM| comment

***
The Japanese in the previous post says "Sekai ni Hototsu dake no Hana" which means "An Only Flower In A World" which is the song I was listening to. I like it a lot.

The Japanese in the post before that means the same thing, but the file just got corrupted. Oh well.

M | 11/19/2003 06:55:00 PM| comment

***
�˘ŠE‚ɂЂƂŠx‚̉Ô

M | 11/19/2003 05:31:00 PM| comment

***
I don't know, but I think that title would make a fantastic film noir.

I slept in a chair last night and woke up and wrote an eight-page paper and went to sell tickets for Japan Club Fair and then two classes and then more ticket selling and making origami and helping Maya with her paper and then I went to Japanese and now here I sit.

And suddenly everyone treats me like I don't matter. This is where I'd normally say "i'm sorry, please be my friend again." But I'm a different person now and well, I don't give a shit. If you all are going to mess with my feelings and mind and treat me like I don't matter - so be it. You can act like that and I don't care. It's not my place to apologize for anything so why should I? If I did something to any of you and this is why you hate me - then you deserved it. Seriously, I'm very sick of a lot of people so like I said before - if you don't see a lot of me, it means I don't like you right now. Everyone better get the fuck over themselves. Really. I'm not joking around.

�¢ŠE‚É‚�‚ƂŠx‚̉Ô


M | 11/19/2003 05:21:00 PM| comment

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mardi, novembre 18, 2003

I seriously just fucking broke a finger. I crunched it between my chair and bed and it's all swollen and immobile. But every time I say I broke something, it always turns out I didn't - and oh, look, I can type pretty well with that finger. Guess it's not broken.

I'm getting very sick of a lot of certain people. I will be hanging out with these people less as the week goes on and if you see very little of me this week, it's you. So fuck off, people that are getting on my nerves.

M | 11/18/2003 02:03:00 AM| comment

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dimanche, novembre 16, 2003

Okay, I know I have a lot of Clickys lately, but this one is the most hilarious. It's a bunch of Korean college kids who re-did Spiderman. Watch the whole thing, it gets even funnier as it goes on!

http://www.newtruetalent.org/fobman_wm_hi.htm

.

M | 11/16/2003 07:22:00 PM| comment

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http://quizilla.com/users/brighteyes45/quizzes/Are%20you%20emo%3F

My brother made this quiz. It's an "Are You Emo?" quiz. And no, I'm not emo. So get over yourself.

M | 11/16/2003 02:34:00 PM| comment

***
I'm a big rapper and I'll eat your face
I'll kick your ass into outer space
See this thick chain hanging from my throat?
I'll use it to choke you and swing you from a goat!

See? Suck that, Eminem!

M | 11/16/2003 02:16:00 PM| comment

***
I will begin this with a quote I said, many moons ago:

"Umm, guys? Can someone unlock this door?" That was when I accidentally locked myself in the bathroom stall at school and someone had to unlock it from the outside. Hi. Lar. I. Ous.

What time is it? 3:19 AM
Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Melissa Kathryn Kibler (I finally learned how to spell my middle name, guys . . .)
Name most people know you by: Melissa, Merisa (to the Japanese kids), *sexual grunt* (to the nerds)
Pets: Xena and Jack (cats), Christy, Jesse, Tina (horses)
Tattoos? Um, just one. "Yume" the Japanese kanji for dream
Birthplace: Chicago-ish
Home Town: Currently Winona, Minnesota
Favorite thing to do: nothing. No, it's definitely going to be homework. Or taking a shower. Or eating cheese.
Been in love? At my age? I should hope not.
Been to Europe? In my dreams. In reality, no.
Love somebody so much it made you cry? Well, I guess, because I was concerned so bad that someone was going to kill themselves that I did get a little weepy.
Been in a car crash? Yes. Well, I spun my Jeep out and ended up in a ditch that i couldn't get out of. And I used four-wheel drive!
Croutons or Bacon Bits? Croutons are just stale bread, so get over that. It was just some cook one day "Hey Luigi, what should I do with this stale french loaf?" "Oh crumble it over the salad, we'll call it a crumble . . . (he looks at a futon that was sitting in the kitchen for some reason) a crumble futon . . . a crouton! Yes!" So um, yeah. I pick bacon bits.
2 door or 4 door? 2 doors are for stupid people.
Coffee or Ice Cream? To do what with? Smear on my face and chant rain spells? Then ice cream, by all means.
Blanket or Stuffed animal? I'm gonna have to say a blanket.
Salad Dressing? Yes, because without it, you're pretty much eating just lettuce. No shit.
Lucky # definitely Pi
Favorite place to be kissed? Yes!
Favorie quote? "I failed my way through life and look at where I am right now: totally awesome" (K)
Favorite quote from a movie? "I don't know" (from many movies, actually)
Favorite Movie? Spirited Away maybe? Or Get Over It. Heh heh, and Battle Royale.
Favorite Book? I'm a big fan of Harry Potter. And Fushigi Yuugi.
Favorite Holiday? Labor Day, definitely. Or National Duct Tape Awareness Week.
Favorite Food? Macaroni and cheese. Or water.
Favorite Day of the Week? Today.
Favorite Song? "Week!" by Do As Infinity.
TV. Shows? "Boy Meets World" and it has been since I was like 10. I love reruns. And I love Rider Strong.
Restaurant? Olive Garden.
Flower: Tiger Lily because the name is very cool.
Favorite Things: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Really.
Sport to watch: Anything involving fire and swearing.
Fast Food Restaurant: Culver's/
What color is your bedroom carpet? I'm not sure, but I'm going to go with Grape Kool-Aid.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Um, breathing oxygen? I can't predict the future, but I like to see myself as a successful human being. Yep.
Who is the last person you got mail from before this one? A real person. Let me check. Looks like it was from Kazue Takahashi, informing me of Japan Club stuff. Before that, it was the Rembrandt people.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No, because they haven't discovered it yet.
Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? Barnes and Noble. Or Media Play. Definitely Media Play. Or an arcade? Would an arcade count? One with DDR?
What word or phrase do you over use? "Get over yourself" "Rock the fuck on" "I hate you, Isaiah." "Fuck you." "I wish I got mail." "I hate stairs."
Friend or Family who lives farthest away? YOKO!!! Come back!
Most annoying thing? Isaiah. Really. No, just kidding, because he knows that everyone pretends they hate him just to cover up their secret hatred for him. Really. No, the most annoying thing is when I put on hand lotion and then try to leave my room, only to discover that my hands are oily, thus making it impossible for me to leave and trapping me forever in my room. Or until the lotion dries.
Best thing: Really nice felt-tip pens. And Comedy Central.
Bedtime: Never. I don't sleep.

This is the end of the survey. It is now 3:48 AM. I should sleep because that is a very good thing for a person to do. I hope everyone enjoyed my survey and I don't really hate Isaiah, I just play it on TV.

M | 11/16/2003 03:17:00 AM| comment

***
I'm realizing things about myself and here is what I know:

I'm actually an optimist at heart. Sure, I complain the hell out of anything (including walking up the stairs and the fact that ice is very cold) but in the end, I look up. For example, everyone around me is spazzing out about "I'm very alone in my life" "there's no one for me" "I'll be a hermit forever" (I can name four of these people, just off the top of my head, that have said this to me in the past week alone) and my basic outlook is "get over yourself." I realize that I'm just nineteen years old and so WHAT if I don't currently have a boyfriend? I have in the past, and I will in the future. Just because the present day is not the peak of my sexual existence (or however you choose to phrase it) does not mean I'm doomed to be a cat lady. (Which I did, at one point, want to be.) I realize that I have a damn long future and if I meet this so-called perfect person tomorrow, it leaves a lot of boringness in the future . . . So, um, right now I'll just work with the present. And everyone else do the same, because I'm actually offering some pretty damn precious advice here. You know if I'm talking to you.

I sometimes let little things go too far. Someone makes an offhand comment and it just doesn't take with me. Truly, I shouldn't give a shit, but the fact is, we as humans normally give shits about little things. We're mentally programmed to blow tiny things way the fuck out of proportion so they're these enormous clouds of angst hanging over our pitiful self-worth. Seriously, goddamn. I have to learn to not read so much into stupid little things. Oh well, get over myself, blah blah blah.

I am a terrible not-wanting-to-do-anything type of person. Sometimes I'll work really hard on something, but that's kind of rare. I'm a terrible procrastinator and I've never had to work at anything in my life. I've always been intelligent and come from a rich family so things typically fall into place for me. This is why I feel a lack of motivation for everything and generally don't work if I don't see an immediate reward. This is a very, very bad quality that I possess and am looking to sell it high on eBay. Any takers?

Um, that's it. Two bad things about me and one good thing. I hope everyone enjoyed that, because it's a damn challenging thing to do - admit when you suck at something. Especially life. I'm a FAILURE!!! WHOO-FRICKIN-HOO!

Dur hur hur.

.

M | 11/16/2003 02:26:00 AM| comment

***

samedi, novembre 15, 2003

The above quote is from Tyler. He is talking about a video game . . . at least he claims to be.

Doo de doo de doo . . . I'm at Video Game Club and it's interesting because it's not boring. That really makes sense - I'm not just being stupid. VGC is usually something that I just sit there and go "I'm so bored, what can I do?" and complain all the time, but I'm actually having a moderate amount of fun! yay!

RoCK THE FuCK ON!

M | 11/15/2003 08:27:00 PM| comment

***
http://ter.air0day.com/index.php?script=matrixreloaded

Absolutely hilarious. It's the Matrix: Reloaded script edited, cut, and otherwise fixed so we can all laugh at the stupidity of the movie itself. Go movie industry!

M | 11/15/2003 02:06:00 PM| comment

***
Heh, that title means nothing. I just pictured this enormous horde of squirrels . . . carnivorous squirrels that attacking these old ladies and the old ladies would just go "But they're supposed to be peace-loving creatures! What the bloody hell is going on?" I don't know.

Katie made me watch Eddie Izzard today. It was fucking hilarious! I can't even describe it because the guy is perhaps one of the most talented comedians I've ever seen.

Today was a pretty pointless day, up until about 8:00 or so, when I decided to go questing for people. I played the piano and the flute. Justin and I had a slinky contest of which there was no determined winner.

So, ah, sleep time. Whoo!

M | 11/15/2003 12:16:00 AM| comment

***

vendredi, novembre 14, 2003

http://www.acornway.com/funk.swf

Watch this whole thing. The sad thing is, I have this song on CD! And know it! Ha ha ha!

M | 11/14/2003 04:47:00 PM| comment

***

jeudi, novembre 13, 2003

I brought my Slinky to Japan Club - instant popularity! Afterwards, Maya and I tried to push it down the stairs in Kryszko but that was a failure. Maya managed to make it go down about five steps before it decided it wouldn't go anymore. I turned it on its side and said, "This is cheating, but so be it." SLINKIES ARE FAILURES IN WSU!

I've been trying to forget the Mario theme song (thanks a huge lot, Kristina) but lo and behold, Yoshi started to sing it and then Maya did and I thought my head was going to explode from "song-stuck-in-my-headness." Go figure. Everyone feels the need to sing this song around me. What is it, do I cast a vibe of some sort? HEAD EXPLODY!

Oh and again with the avoidance thing. I learned more of the truth and realize that I have a psychotic, run-away imagination so I'm going to ignore everything my brain tells me. Yay!

Speaking of psychos, I have a new person to add to my list of certified psychos and it's not someone you'd readily expect. This list will be posted soon, with each person's defining moment.

And yeah, it's pretty damn cold out, but I can get over that.

Current mood: Shifty eyebrow-ish, if that's a mood.
Current music: "Traveling" Utada Hikaru

M | 11/13/2003 10:16:00 PM| comment

***
Oh and I spoke to this person who I thought was avoiding me and it turns out that drastic coincidence and me jumping to conclusions led my retarded brain to believe this was happening. Go figure.

I'm going to make a lint roller out of packing tape and a water bottle and de-hair my jacket.

M | 11/13/2003 06:46:00 PM| comment

***
I should wear more pink, because I hate the color and I seem to enjoy things I hate. Hmm, what an oddity.

I laughed a lot today!

Kristina lost her watch. She looked at her wrist and she's like, "Oh god, where'd I put my watch?" She looked everywhere, including in all her pockets and in her backpack. Then she pushed back the sleeve of her other arm and there it is. Whoo-frickin-hoo! It was pure hi-lar-it-tee. And after Japanese, she saw a spider on the wall and went to poke it and it jumped at her face. That was funny too. And we almost died because of pure laughter and hilarity. ORLY.

My whiteboard fell off again. Correction: my altered whiteboard fell off. I hate it. Goddamn.

I pointed a laser pointer at my mirror and it shined in my left eye and it really hurts right now. Oh god, I think I made myself blind in that eye!

M | 11/13/2003 06:21:00 PM| comment

***
Okay, whoever was the asswad that pulled the IM prank on me, I'm not exactly pleased. I'm supposed to be studying for this test. And this person keeps IMing me every two seconds and if I go without IMing them for more than 10 seconds, they say "You're not talking" so it was a big distraction. You better think twice about pranking people and I'm not happy when my mind is messed with like that. Seriously, don't do anything like that again. I'm not impressed.

M | 11/13/2003 11:33:00 AM| comment

***
Eh. Gonna wing this test. I'm going to pray for osmosis to work and take a nap on my math book. It shouldn't be that bad, and had I done the work, this test would be the easiest ever. But alas, I didn't. And it won't. So I'm going to study real fast-like, mmmkay?

M | 11/13/2003 11:01:00 AM| comment

***
I sat bolt upright in bed at 4:53 AM with the sudden realization that I have a math test today and have not attended class since the last test. This could be potentially fatal . . .

I am really looking forward to Japanese class today. There will be representatives from Akita and they will discuss a little about the Study Abroad program. I have not been able to find this information anywhere and this should prove educational.

There's a person here who I have the most horrible feeling is avoiding me, but also could just be studying really, really hard. The latter would not surprise me in the least, but still - the next time I see this person, I will kick their ass. Grrr! People and their quirks!

M | 11/13/2003 10:06:00 AM| comment

***

mercredi, novembre 12, 2003

K and I were going to have a righteous indignation contest, but then she discovered this would be a lot of work, so I win.

VICTORY!

M | 11/12/2003 06:17:00 PM| comment

***
The following is my email to the people at Rembrandt, regarding my feeling of torture:

I purchased your 2 hour whitening procedure because I heard that it was successful. Well, I discovered that it is semi-successful but also very, very painful. During the second round of filling the plastic mouth thingys, I discovered that it is definitely not fun if you get the goo on your gums. Thus, I was very careful during the third application, but evidently failed and ended up screaming bloody murder and spitting the things in the sink because it hurt so bad. It felt like someone stabbed me in the mouth! Then, I was terrified when I saw my now-white gums, but didn't worry too much because of your warning in the pamphlet. (I had carefully read this thing several times before beginning the application process and followed it to the letter.) After panicking slightly and applying some numbing gel to my gums, I went to sleep. The next morning, I tried to brush my teeth and discovered that my gums were too tender for this! The spot that had been white the night before was now internally bleeding! Let me explain that this was not fun.

I realize that a company of your stature and size is not really in a place to do anything about this. But I suggest trying to fix the product for people that are sensitive to this kind of thing (Which I evidently appear to be.) or put a label or warning on the product. It was a very not fun procedure for me and would only ask this to be conducted on people who kill children or write bad romance.
Thank you for my griping and don't worry, this hasn't completely turned me away from using your products -- just the 2 Hour Whitening Torture.

Melissa Kibler

The following is their reply:

Torture
Dear Melissa Kibler:
Thank you for your use of Rembrandt Oral Care product. We are sorry to learn of your experience with the new Rembrandt 2 Hour White Kit and wish to assure you it is not permanent or damaging even though painful, but do appreciate your sense of humor along with it, and will forward your comments and concerns to our marketing department. How did it do for your teeth - are they whiter?


It has been our understanding from other consumers, that they find gum irritation when too much gel is used during bleaching or they have not attached the mixing tips. The 2 Hour kit actually has enough gel for two 2-hour sessions and one syringe would be sufficient for eight to ten applications. We consulted our dental professionals regarding this situation and they indicate that it may take four or five days for this to subside. It was recommended to use the oil from a Vitamin E capsule to rub on the gums to promote healing.


In reference to the side effects of bleaching, it is known that the burning sensation of the gums and the transient sensitivity of the teeth are the two most common symptoms experienced from bleaching. The active ingredient of bleaching gel is peroxide. Most of the time an individual's gums must build a tolerance to peroxide. The sloughing of the gum tissue is not harmful but we do know it can be painful and it should be back to normal very soon.

There have been several clinical tests on this product and it has been found to be safe and effective. We would encourage you to wait a few days and give it another try. You might want to spread the gel on the teeth with a Q-tip and then put the empty mouth guard over it to minimize the gel reaching the gums. The kit can also be used 15 minutes twice a day for three days and would achieve comparable results.

If you want a refund, it is necessary for you to provide proof of purchase (and here they provided me with the info, but i won't post it for legal reasons.)

Sincerely,
Customer Service

M | 11/12/2003 05:57:00 PM| comment

***
I never realized this could be considered an art form. Watch the whole thing!

http://my.so-net.net.tw/carl0726/sand.wmv

M | 11/12/2003 01:48:00 AM| comment

***
I never realized this could be considered an art form. Watch the whole thing!

M | 11/12/2003 01:48:00 AM| comment

***
Okay, I was in a semi-bad mood because of the way people like to treat me all the time, so I decided to be productive. I finished some homework, started Project #2, and Project #3. Project #2 is my very secret journal but no one knows about this, so hush-hush. Project #3 is doing Pilates at least four times a week and I just did it. I actually enjoyed it a lot and it made me feel happy. Happiness!

I talked to Ang online and don't understand why she's so aloof. Before I went home last weekend, I told her I was coming home and she said "ok . . ." and nothing else. People should just say what they think. If she truly just doesn't like me, she should tell me and I won't waste time and energy on being friends with her. She even asked ME if I hated HER. Shouldn't that be an indication that she desires my friendship? But then she's all high-and-mighty about my invitations to do things - like she's too good for me. I don't like this at all.

This brings me to my other point: People that think they're better than everyone else just because of some difference. This also reflects my first sentence in my first paragraph: about people making me feel bad. Blah blah blah. You may think I'm being angsty but I'm not. I'm ranting about various people's inability to treat everyone else like their equals. It makes me not happy - and is one of the few things that does. Whenever someone talks down to me, treats me like I don't understand, or disregards my intellect - I am mortally offended. Why do people do this? Your assignment: Think about how you can work to treat everyone like equals - despite their race, nationality, shape, sexual orientation, intellect, and anything else that can be biased against. And don't make it feel like such an effort - when it's clear you're trying to protect someone from something it sort of eliminates the purpose. TRY!

M | 11/12/2003 12:59:00 AM| comment

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mardi, novembre 11, 2003

I once read that happy people live in some sort of delusional fantasy world - a world in which they see themselves as better than they actually are. The mood is uplifted by this innaccurate and skewed reflection of themselves in the proverbial mirror. The skeptics, pessimistics, and cynics of the world are the ones who can more accurately define themselves. They don't hide behind an illusion of happiness but instead lead a very factual, logical life - one with no fantasies, no false identities, and no masks. Of these two extremes, I create a third category: those who know what they are, but try to hide behind the mask anyway so no one knows. This is where I belong and am most happy when I can pretend something. I would say I live a rich fantasy life, with the exception that my fantasy life is the real world. The only thing that's created, fabricated, is myself. And yet somehow . . . life goes on. This is the way I live my life, people live their lives another way, and the world keeps turning.

M | 11/11/2003 10:43:00 PM| comment

***

lundi, novembre 10, 2003

This whitening thing makes me not happy. Owie.

Remembered that I forgot to remember something from home.

I want to go push my Slinky down the stairs. But I said I would do it with Katie, so I will wait until tomorrow. I really, really want to do it. "Everyone loves a Slinky! You're gonna get a Slinky!" (from Ace Ventura)

On the plus side: "Googoly eyes!"

M | 11/10/2003 11:17:00 PM| comment

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vendredi, novembre 07, 2003

Geh. I am here at Video Game Club, as I've been for an hour. IT'S BORING! Everyone is playing Ever Quest and being anti-social and not talking to me when I talk to them so I am stuck here being BORED! AHHH!! I have my computer, but there is only so much I can do in four hours . . . . BOREDOM!!!

Ho hum, ho hum.

M | 11/07/2003 08:04:00 PM| comment

***
Hey it's 4:40 AM (as of this moment when I began the post). I have accomplised a small bit of things in the past twelve hours, let me name them in chronological order:

~ picked up packet from Student Answer Center
~ Realized Student Answer Center is a failure at doing things right
~ researched Japanese colleges on my own
~ ate dinner
~ researched Japanese colleges again
~ picked Kyushu U
~ talked to Katie
~ printed Kyushu application
~ realized my computer is a failure at reading all fonts and doing anything right
~ talked to Teresa
~ talked to Katie
~ called home
~ talked to Timmy
~ talked to my dad
~ hung up the phone
~ had a "my font color is more annoying than yours" war with Kristina
~ talked with Stacy
~ watched tv and drank hot chocolate
~ played one of those online dating sim games where your goal is to get in bed with her - I'm such a failure at those games - - - I fucked her on the 94th day (and please, do not quote me on that)
~ turned computer off and tried to sleep
~ turned computer on and did nothing of value

Now that was very boring, wasn't it? Notice that nowhere in that post did I mention doing homework. WAY TO GO, ME!

M | 11/07/2003 04:39:00 AM| comment

***

jeudi, novembre 06, 2003

I talked to Timmy on the phone for like 15 minutes. He's really kind of a cutie when he wants to be so it was a relatively fun conversation. He kept having miniature spazzes because the phone on his end was dying and every time it would beep he would go "oh it's running out of battery" and he would talk a little faster. He's a really smart kid - in seventh grade math already. He is also really into science so I told him he should work with NASA. Then he told me all about his model rocket that he built and got really excited about it - telling me these details "It's red and orange with stripes and when I painted it, it cracked but it looks really cool. We're going to launch them when they're done." Sometimes I really like my little brothers but sometimes I don't -this is a time when I like Timmy a lot. He's fun. I think he's going through puberty because his voice sounded different.

And people are still talking loudly in the hallway.

And I'm still wearing my "3vil l33t" shirt. I will wear it on Saturday too. w00t!

M | 11/06/2003 09:03:00 PM| comment

***
Well, I'm actually accomplishing stuff for my plans for foreign exchange. The Student Answer Center is really a failure at getting things right . . . they gave me this college that costs way too much more than I want to spend. So I looked for Akita and I don't remember what I found wrong with their program . . . something with the stuff they offer. So I checked on Kyushu University, which is in Fukuoka, where Yoko lives and it looks like that is the school I will be attending, eh? The cost is so low, I know I've done something wrong with the conversion. But the program looks awesome and I will most likely go for all year. I'm so exited - despite the fact that this means I will have to obtain a 3.2 GPA in two semesters . . . can it be done? NO! But will I try? YES! Will I succeed? PROBABLY NOT!

Daisuki wa benkyooshimasu. HA HA HA HA!! i tell funny jokes!

I love how everything is all my fault and I have to apologize for nothing. My life is so full of hatred and unhappiness that I just feel like giving everyone a big, squeezy hug! UNTIL THEY EXPLODE! People blame their lives' problems and whoever the hell they feel like and then I just smile and nod and say "Okay, I'll do that, even though my ears are bleeding from all of your ANGST!" Suck that, Dr. Phil - I'm a teenager in college and there's more drama in one hour here that will be on your show ever. BOOYA!

Does Booya have an "h" at the end? Booyah? No, it doesn't.

Anyway.

I don't know if I expressed this in my last journal, but someone stole all the markers from my floor. I will find this person and they will meet a pitiful end. Either that or I will buy a new marker. I should buy a new board because I dripped pop all over this one and it looks like some baby with a gland problem sat on my board and had a bit of a runny explosion. To the person who stole my marker: prepare for suffering.

People in my hallway are being obnoxious and I think I am going to kill them or mumble about how much people that talk loudly in the hall piss me off. "Oh wow, I love to study with the background noise of PEOPLE TALKING! It sure is a good thing they don't have a LOUNGE or anything for people to talk in - I sure would hate for them to not DISTURB ANYONE. *big, dramatic sigh*"

Whatever. Life goes on. Maybe people are more respectable of my quietness in Japan. I HOPE SO, OR I WILL EXPLODE.

M | 11/06/2003 08:28:00 PM| comment

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mardi, novembre 04, 2003

Heh heh. I'm going to talk about snow.

This weekend I made snowflakes out of Kleenex. It was pink Kleenex, but it still worked very well. Then I did a silent chant for snow to come and it snowed today! (Of course, I checked the weather channel and they had already predicted it, so I knew just when to do my "I hope it snows" chant.) It was that slushy kind of icky snow that makes the day dreary, but I liked it anyway.

Heh heh. "Falling snow is very fast!" This was said by Yoshi, and just makes me laugh. Could you imagine if snow fell, like super-fast? It would be like these darts of ice, shooting at our skulls straight from the sky. It would make winter such a tragedy. The news would begin with a death toll every night: "And sixty-five people died today from snowflakes. We have investigated and found them to be of the very pointy variety. Bill?" (Ha ha, I like how newspeople always say the name of their co-anchor as a question. "A hundred people got torched in a freak methane accident. Shirley?") Seriously, if you look up during the night when you're standing somewhere near a light and it is snowing, it looks like you're going into hyperspace. Ever seen Star Wars. I thought so. Goddammit, I'm a geek.

In other news, I have lost my talent for tarot card-ing. Katie is happy/hyper again - go Katie! Some people think snow sucks, but I really, really like it. I failed the Japanese test today - there is no question about this. I skipped two classes today, and feel just terrific about it. I have about 800 things to do tomorrow, all of which I will accomplish before playing any more video games. My "project" seemingly began today but met a miserable death. Perhaps it shall begin anew tomorrow. I have a package on the way and greatly desire it to hurry its lazy self up and get here. I have an Asstronomy lab test tomorrow that I have a vaguely bad feeling about - it's certainly the fad to fail at things.

Things I am bad at:
- ordering gifts for crazy Japanese girls online (go Yoko)
- being kind to Isaiah
- keeping my room clean
- not functioning on Hawaiian time
- laundry
- being patient
- being PERCEPTIVE
- not being "emo"
- coming up with things to add to this list

Buy me something! BUY IT!!! Give to the charity that feeds on your soul!

or I will sic the pointy, deathly snowflakes on you.

Heh heh, "Falling snow is very fast!"

Bill?


M | 11/04/2003 02:21:00 AM| comment

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lundi, novembre 03, 2003

Began my new "project" but I'm not going to tell anyone what it is. If you make three guesses as to what it is, you might as well cross them all off because you're WRONG! No matter what it is, be assured that you are not right as to what you guess.

I suddenly had this dream - which seemed like a psychic vision almost - about an old friend. I'm getting out my tarot cards after dinner and attempting to divine what this meant. I'm pretty sure I know it already - and it's not good. But this vaguely has something to do with my "project." (And no, my "project" is not to be perfect with my tarot cards.) Anyway, after this, perhaps I'll call this person and see how they are doing and maybe (if and when) I go home this weekend, I will pay a visit to this person. Gah, thinking about this has given me a stomachache.

Oh, and a digression.

I figured my whole stomach problem came from drinking pop. So I haven't been drinking as much pop lately - you should see how much water I went through. But this isn't true. Everytime I think hard about something or worry or get excited, the stomachache happens. Goddammit, I have been telling my mom this for four years and I'm sick of every time I experience a strong emotion I have to run off to the bathroom. It's a nervous stomach and the internet is not helpful to me in the quest for conquering this. I do multiplication tables when I can't get rid of it.

I hate Isaiah because he threw my candy at me and it's all over the room. I want him to die. A painful death. Of being pelted with Tootsie Rolls until he hemorrhages all over. Take that - you got emOWNED!!!

M | 11/03/2003 05:15:00 PM| comment

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dimanche, novembre 02, 2003

Durrrh! Aggravation!

I went to a bunch of work to get the DVD Chicago for Yoko for her brithday. Asked for help from Yoshi, went to amazon.co.jp, spent time and effort on it, was the perfect gift for her and . . .

Vitalizer03!!! says:
oh and i got CHICAGO from you
‚ß‚è‚�‚³ says:
YES! it worked
‚ß‚è‚�‚³ says:
did you like it?
Vitalizer03!!! says:
I suppose to
Vitalizer03!!! says:
but you know what]
Vitalizer03!!! says:
I don't have DVD player!!!
‚ß‚è‚�‚³ says:
oh dammit
‚ß‚è‚�‚³ says:
well i suppose you can return it for credit or something
Vitalizer03!!! says:
thank you though


M | 11/02/2003 07:58:00 PM| comment

***
Friday I got $40 from the ATM machine. (Thank you, ATM machine, even though it's my money to begin with . . .) I am sitting at my desk, looking right at what is left of it . . . one single, battered and lone dollar. (I had two, but managed to lock myself out of my room so I had to give one away.) I am very, very frivolous with my money and this habit must be stopped. Oh well, better enjoy it while I can . . .

Last night was interesting. Girls' Night in every sense of the word. Face masks, sappy movies, magazine quizzes, and yes, I did get hit with a pillow once or twice. The boys (meaning Tyler and Tim) tried to come over, but we told them to GO AWAY! We gave them (well, I gave them) DDR and they went away. Our RA came over to watch the movie as well. When the boys brought DDR back, I gave them my keys and they put it away and we noticed it was taking them a long time. When we asked them why, Tyler said, "Oh I was masturbating." Totally seriously too. He didn't know our RA was there and we all laughed at him and he turned red and ran off. But I found out later that what they really did was re-hook up my Play Station, which was very nice to do and I appreciated it a lot because I played Lunar: Silver Star Story for three hours last night before I slept.

Things are tense between a few people but not always for the reason it seems. I think many things, but they are mostly my own thoughts and I don't share them. Not much makes sense and people make the least sense of all. It's a dance on a railroad track because a careless step results in pain and it's way too much effort to keep on the beam. Gotta find a flat surface, a safe place, somewhere where everyone can be what they're supposed to be without fear.

M | 11/02/2003 12:46:00 PM| comment

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