mercredi, décembre 31, 2003

Hey, I did like Katie and made a quiz, check out my side links! Everyone take it!

M | 12/31/2003 08:20:00 PM| comment

***
For those of you who don't read my blog thoroughly, read this for sure. It's a story for the books. I will start from the beginning.

Dora called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a karaoke bar with her tonight. I told her sure, and proceeded on my dandy way to "Time Out" in Elk River, a place I'd never heard of but could probably find easily.

Well, Dora's father is notorious for being late, so I took a little tour around the town of Elk River on my own, not expecting to get LOST. While I wandered the lonely backroads of Elk River, I started to yell in despair and almost started crying because, "I'm such a FAILURE!"

Luckily, I told myself to "get it together, bitch. Panicking won't get you anywhere but the ditch." After making a few turns, I found myself back in town, and pulling into the parking lot of Time Out.

I carefully opened the doors to the bar and glanced around for Dora and her family. Just when I'd given up hope, I saw a waving arm and noticed them sitting in a corner. I made my way towards them, noticing that indeed everyone was there. Jason, Dora's brother. Jessica and Amanda, Dora's stepsisters. Jake, Jason's friend (who bears a striking resemblance to Ewan McGregor). Dora's father. Everyone. Ahh.

Well, hmm. No one in our group had the courage to sing. I'm usually pumped for these things, with my stage experience and such. I'd never sung in front of a group, though, and have strong discomforts with doing so. I like to think I sing well, but this talent will never show itself in front of other people. When I sing in front of people, I sing bad. When I sing to myself, I sing good. In short, I don't sing in front of people.

Eventually, Jake went up there. It would have been a 5+ star performance . . . had it not been for Drunk, Braless Woman (DBW). She horned her way into poor Jake's solo song, and for his part, he humored her - all the while shooting the audience and our group sad little looks. It was absolutely hilarious and I simply cannot describe how sitcom-like this performance was. (He sang beautifully, by the way.)

After a while, everyone sang something. Jess and Dora got me up for "Barbie Girl" - during which I basically stood and sang a little.

Time passed, I really wanted to do "Yesterday" - it's short, I can do it well . . . But alas, my turn would never come. I put another slip in, just in case my "Yesterday" was lost.

Finally, when I put my jacket on, my name was called. I dragged Jess up stage with me for the most horrendous rendition of "Turning Japanese" that has ever been sung on this planet. I stood there, trying not to sweat or cry or pop a vein in my forehead. My knee trembled so violently that I almost fell over. When the song (after about eighty years) drew to a close, I limped to my seat, grabbed my jacket, and left as quick as I could. So mortified, was I.

. . .

My story.

M | 12/31/2003 12:08:00 AM| comment

***

mardi, décembre 30, 2003

Timmy and my dad are leaving on their second pointless errand of the day. They'll be announcing their engagement any day now.

M | 12/30/2003 05:42:00 PM| comment

***
My parents refuse to go grocery shopping. Today's dinner was boca burgers. We didn't have bread or cheese, so it was plain boca burgers . . . a really bad meal. And since we are out of macaroni and cheese and soup and sandwich meat and jelly and bread and anything we can eat for lunch, I told my dad we should go grocery shopping. So he proceeded to get out the bread making supplies and is currently making bread. WHY AM I FORSAKEN SO? This is why our family has so much money - we are unwilling to spend it!

Rant about work: (not my work, which I don't have, but work in general) Three people in my family work. And they work all the time. Brian, Christopher, and my mom. They work at the same place: Kmart. So naturally, we buy a lot of things from Kmart. Now, I have hated Kmart for some time and hate it more now that my mother works there and everyone knows her. So naturally, if I buy anything, they will tell her. And my mother is strongly opposed to me spending money, which is why I'm not allowed to go anywhere. ("'How are you going to pay for gas?")

Anyway, all that is talked about here is work. All anyone ever says is something about Kmart. Kmart this, Kmart that, "I had this customer today . . ." All my mother does is talk about Kmart customers and their apparent lower intellect than her own. I know this sounds a bit hypocritical of me because I have a bit of reputation for being somewhat the same, but she complains about everything. She never has anything positive to say. Even at her cafeteria job, she constantly complains about this one lady. I once asked her, "If you have such a problem with her, why don't you talk to her? Nothing will get solved, and we'll just have to endure your complaints." She just opened and shut her mouth a little, sort of like a fish. My mom is very unwilling to solve her problems.

And I realize I am similair to my mom in some ways (people have accused me of avoiding my problems) but I'm also different. I don't completely avoid my problems; more often, I like to put them off until I have a suitable enough amount of thinking done on the subject, then I like to tackle it like nobody's business. My mother just mumbles and whines about it without approaching the problem. Grr.

Anyway, back to the work thing. No one is ever around. I wanted to do stuff with Brian and Christopher, but they are always at work and it's really difficult. Plus, I haven't said anything, but the incredible amount of money that Brian possesses is driving me nuts. I walked into his room and found a wad of bills including several hundreds, fifties, and twenties and begun to count: well over six hundred dollars - and just sitting around. I remembered my last look at my bank account and just rolled my eyes. Then I looked around his room - at his electric guitar, huge amplifier, television, new surround sound system, Play Station 2, many DVDs and video games . . . and felt kleptomania approaching. He had less need for that money than I did . . . but I didn't take any, not even a dollar - because I just don't do that. But it still felt like he left it there where I could see it because he likes to rub his "opportunities" in my face a lot. Mmm. I am not a happy little being.

I did get an email today from my Int to Asia prof. Apparently, he is off to Bangladesh for a vacation and will have a substitute teacher for the first two weeks of class. Guess who? Sugiyama-sensee, of course - and now I get to see her twice a day! No, I kid - she's an interesting teacher and it will probably be very educational, having Int to Asia taught by someone from Asia. And I looked through the class roster and I do know someone in the class - Maya - so it should be fun. One of our assignments is to watch "Last Samurai" or "Crouching TIger, Hidden Dragon." Hmmm. And we watch "Shall We Dance" in class, which I've already seen, and written an essay on, for Japanese.

What else is new? Hmm, thinking, thinking.

Started outline for "The Chain." I figured that I'm so bored, I should write a novel. I should call the hospital and see if I can schedule an interview with a doctor about cancer patients and the procedure of that. I just hope it wouldn't cost anything.

M | 12/30/2003 05:12:00 PM| comment

***
Oh, AND - thanks for posting on my tagboard, even if it was just to humor my multiple requests. I am using it as some sort of communication between people and evidently there is a "lack of communication."

I'm so bitchy and cynical because I'm SO BORED.

M | 12/30/2003 12:44:00 PM| comment

***
There is absolutely nothing to do here. I complain about this every single day, but it doesn't change. I don't possess enough motivation to actually CALL anyone, everyone in my family is working all the time (except Timmy, and my dad - who took the week off) so no one's around (except those two and I don't like to spend time with them . . .) and I'm forced to just sit at the computer most of the time. My mom asks me why I don't call some of my high school friends and my answer is "I don't want to see most of them anymore. I don't LIKE them." Which I don't. But she keeps telling me to do this and I don't WANT TO. Plus, I don't usually have a car to GO anywhere and where would I go? Nowhere. Maybe I'll ask if I can go on a "return quest" and return a bunch of my Christmas gifts.

M | 12/30/2003 12:35:00 PM| comment

***

lundi, décembre 29, 2003

Today is turning out fairly decent

Last night, I watched "Fiddler on the Roof" and, while it wasn't exactly like my high school's production, I enjoyed it a lot. (I might have to make everyone watch it - Katie and Stacy, at least, would enjoy it.) They cut out the "Rumors" scene, which I liked a lot - it was second onliy to "To Life." The guy who played Tevye matched my expectations, but I still think Carl made an awesome Tevye. And no one could replace Steve Cole as Motel, that's for sure - I will never forget the incident during the last production where Motel (Steve) comes rushing in and says to Tevye (Carl) "I have a match for Tzeitel! Like a glove, a perfect fit!" When Steve ran in, he stepped in a bucket, which he was supposed to do, but what wasn't supposed to happen was that it stayed on. It should have come right off, but it stuck. So Steve, being an improv kind of guy, pulled the bucket off while he said "A perfect fit." It was hilarious, and our director was in tears, he was laughing so hard.

The best part of that production was the very end when they played the "To Life" reprise and everyone danced around. Even I was allowed to, my props glowstick on and everything! (I was the "props girl" and wore glowsticks every night for this purpose. People could see me backstage!) I was dancing with some extras and Motel and some Russians too. It was quite a lot of fun! (I realized, in reflection, that some of the happiest moments of my life have taken place on that stage . . .)

Anyway, in conclusion to that subject, I really, really love "Fiddler on the Roof" and everyone should watch it with me. There are funny bits, serious bits, romantic bits, fighting bits, dancing bits, and great songs. ("To Life, to life, L'chaim!" Ha ha) Plan on it.

This is a conversation that took place shortly ago.

C: "I'm bored."
B: "Go beat your meat."
C: "I'm a meat popsicle!"
B: "You should make popsicles."
C: "I'm going to make a ketchup popsicle." (He looks for popsicle making kit.) "Where's the popsicle stuff? I'm making a ketchup popsicle."
M: "WHAT? Ew."
B: "Make a blood popsicle."
M: "Oh I suppose you're the donor?"
B: "Well it is my time of the month."
M: "WHAT?"
C: "Ew. I can't FIND them!"
B: "Make a urine popsicle."
C: "Heh heh, it's lemon flavored."
M: "Did you say 'semen flavored?'"
C: "Ha ha, ew."
B: "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
M: "No, you ass."
C: "Whew! Now that puckered my butthole!"
B: "Ha ha."
M: "You guys are retarded."

M = Me, B = Brian, C = Christopher. This happened about 45 minutes ago.

M | 12/29/2003 01:11:00 PM| comment

***

dimanche, décembre 28, 2003

I sit at the computer desk, eyes half open. Not from tiredness - no, I've slept enough. The baggy eyes are from pure boredom.

Today (and yesterday and the day before, and most likely every day for the next few weeks) consisted of me wandering between my room, the family room, the bathroom, and the kitchen. There is really nothing to do here, save for the internet. I decided to make a new website, titled (duly) L'esprit d'Escalier - and it will be French-based, so be prepared for that.

Urm . . . La nostalgie de la boue est trčs mauvais, je desiree les chacun oubliez-le nostalgie . . . Le coeur a ses raisons ne connait point, mais je ne comprenez pas-la . . . Euh, mon dieu.

Please don't try to understand that. It's not meant for you to understand.

M | 12/28/2003 09:17:00 PM| comment

***
T'as une tęte a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts!

M | 12/28/2003 06:57:00 PM| comment

***
I'm basically posting because I forgot what the French word for Sunday is.

Why won't anyone leave me a message on my tagboard? It turns out it was a waste of time, me setting that up and such, because no one uses it!

M | 12/28/2003 11:36:00 AM| comment

***

samedi, décembre 27, 2003

So I think I'm going to format my journal a bit differently. I'm going to write it like a real journal, and not like some public service announcement. It's more fun to write it like a real journal. But I'm afraid I might get carried away with this idea and offend people. So maybe I'll write poetry and be effectively elusive to everything.

M | 12/27/2003 12:21:00 PM| comment

***
Does anyone have these books? (a) A Pocket Guide to Public Speaking and (b)
Thomas-Kilmann's Conflict Mode Instrument.

My friend Maki wants to buy them, so if you have them, let me know, and I'll tell her.

M | 12/27/2003 12:19:00 PM| comment

***

vendredi, décembre 26, 2003

"I believe I told you to stop being annoying."

M | 12/26/2003 05:43:00 PM| comment

***
[Third time trying this message. I'm too bitchy for you guys.]

I realized that I can't type anything suitable to leave here. I have a lot of pent-up anger that is un-releasable on my journal because I might hurt fragile, vulnerable little people.

Well, it's away I go. I'm going to enjoy my life at home while I can, because I have a feeling that returning to college will come a lot sooner than I expect. I'm not looking forward to it.

M | 12/26/2003 02:44:00 PM| comment

***

jeudi, décembre 25, 2003

What.

The fuck.

Ever.

M | 12/25/2003 10:19:00 PM| comment

***
So um, let's see. There is a lack of anything new in anyone's journal and a lack of anything at all in one person's journal. Did you do this because you didn't realize anyone knew about it? I'd appreciate some feedback on this and maybe you can explain some things to me that I don't understand, because evidently there's a lot.

Oh and as for winter break plans? My plans consist of sitting around my house, working on my writing. I won't be leaving, except for potential snowboarding trip. If you guys stop by here, fine. But I'm content here for the moment.

LotR retrospective:

*** On the ride home, Timmy asked how they filmed all the armies and stuff. I told him they went to Australia, where the orcs live. He didn't believe this at all and said, "there's no such thing as orcs."

"Have you been to Australia?"

"No."

"The orcs aren't allowed out of Australia. They are some mutation of the prisoners that were kept there . . . or something like that." I paused. "Actually, the orcs are quite nice. They make good pies."

"Mmm, yes," said Christopher.

Brian spoke up. "Do you mean, like they ARE pies - like orc-pies or something? Or do you-"

"No, I mean they BAKE pies. Fabulous apple ones," I said. "Oh, and they're good at Algebra too."
***

During the movie, what Faramir's father was being horrible to him, I hissed, "Bastard!" in what I thought was a whisper.

My mother turned around and said, "MELISSA!" and glared at me for like three minutes. Geez. I just felt enraged hatred. (Disposed anger, I guess . . .)

Erm, so that's it. Maybe everyone else should read my journal and update their own as well. Geez.

M | 12/25/2003 08:23:00 PM| comment

***
Okay, I'm hoping everyone really likes this stuff that I did with my blog. I worked really, really hard on it. Like the art? Oh, there's a tag board, please leave me a message and/or comments on this new stuff.

M | 12/25/2003 08:17:00 PM| comment

***
Urm

M | 12/25/2003 03:05:00 PM| comment

***
Dude, so in my infinite boredom and time spent, I stumbled across Isaiah's journal, and have but one reply: GET OVER YOURSELF. You're not worthless so quit using your lack of ambition as an attention magnet. We don't pity you, we're mostly disappointed. Geez.

Brian has taken to saying, "Am I right?" all of the time. He'll say something and then look around and grin, then go, "Am I right?"

Erm. I'm going to probably watch "Fiddler" tonight, if I am awake.

Going to see LotR today! Finally! I watched both special editions back to back on Tuesday so I'm in a LotR mood completely. But I'm also going to see it with Dora.

OH. Speaking of which . . . Apparently Jason, Dora's brother, has become horribly conceited since we last saw him. Dora is convinced he's asexual because he's only concerned with himself and has no interest in sex at all. An intriguing thought. But apparently he auditioned for a part in One Tree Hill on the WB Network and he's just been a horrible jerk about it. This is hard to imagine because I remember him as a nice guy. Go figure, people can change.

M | 12/25/2003 02:46:00 PM| comment

***
Geh. So Christmas is over. This is my general haul:

- many clothes, including 2 sweaters, a sweatshirt, a button up shirt, and two other shirts, oh and socks
- shampoo and body wash and lotion
- DVDs: Old School (from Brian), Fiddler on the Roof, one I don't remember, and Special Ed. Battle Royale (from myself to myself)
- PS2 games: Tekken Tag Tournament, DDR Max2 and new pad
- pretend fish and fish tank - very cool
- stuffed cat that looks like Jack
- blanket (from Timmy)
- Dashboard Confessional CD (eat your heart out, Kristina) (from Christopher)
- Cranium, the game
- batteries, pencils, tape, breath mints, chap stick, and other such items (from my dad)

I think there's more, but I don't remember. Decent gifts, I would say. Oh, plus I got the REM cd from my mom awhile ago.

Plus, I am going to probably buy Bruce Almighty and Pirates, but we'll see how much money I'm willing to spend.

Away I be!


M | 12/25/2003 10:25:00 AM| comment

***
I will now regail (sp?) you with the events that transpired yesterday. I am much obliged to do so.

Well, actually nothing's interesting until about church.

We left for the supposed 11:00 service at 10:25, which I thought was incredibly stupid because we only live six minutes from church and why did we need to leave so early? Plus, we got there and discovered that the service, in fact, did not begin until 11:30. So we saw in the pews, listening to Christmas hymns and being delightfully quiet. I played hangman with my mom and the sentence was, "Waltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud." She found this mildly amusing, since it contains every letter of the alphabet.

Once the service began, all the pop and stuff I had for dinner caught up with me and I had this psychotic burst of energy, making everything funny. I was playing with a pencil and for some reason had shoved it in my sleeve and my mom needed it to write in the registrar. She asked me where the pencil went and I sheepishly pulled it from my sleeve. In retrospect, I should have done some sort of agent move or whatever.

Christopher was also in this mood and when the song "What Child is This?" was sung by the congregation, we started giggling at the line that goes "where ox and ass are sleeping" because it had the word "ass" in it. My mom gave us funny looks and then shushed us.

Well, then there was the candlelight vigil. That was just like all the other years, and, keeping with tradition, Christopher and I both "pointified" our candles when we blew out the flame and the wax had cooled.

Then, of course, I had the traditional Christmas nightmare. (I slept a little late and had to open presents without taking a shower. This is pretty pathetic, considering other years it had been something akin to exploding gifts, no gifts, and my cat eating all my gifts.)

Anyway. That's all. This is 8:22 Christmas morning and have not opened gifts yet. This event will begin shortly, but always begins later than we all expect. My parents, for some moronic reason, like to videotape every Christmas so the "setting up the video camera" process takes about a month. Plus, they just generally like to dawdle around. I be not pleased with this.

Away I go! Update on giftage later.

M | 12/25/2003 08:11:00 AM| comment

***

mercredi, décembre 24, 2003

So this is my best transcription of this morning transpirations . . .

I woke up at around eight AM to the wonderful sound of my parents' spirited arguing. The subject? Me, of course. It seems that whenever they're arguing about something non-trivial, it's about me. I tried to ignore it, bu gave up in the end and wandered upstairs, announcing that they could at least have the courage to talk to me about me.

And of course, the events that followed weren't too pleasing. It was inevitable and I had predicted everything correctly. In short, it ended with my dad going outside to let horses out and while he did this, I told my mother I hate him. When he came back, I told him - to his face - "I do not like you at all."

With this, I went to my room and have only emerged just now. Truly, I can't stand my father anymore - screw him and his "inability to show he cares for his children." My mother, in some twisted way, likes to simultaneously defend and justify him, while agreeing with me and telling me what's wrong with him. No matter how he was brought up, he should still - somewhere - posess the genetic code that allows him to show compassion for his own offspring.

I told my mom that he was some engineered robot, programmed only to torture and she thought this was a joke. When I didn't laugh, she agreed and said she can understand how I think that, but mustn't let his personality get to me.

This is all a bunch of crap of course, because how can he show feelings for Timmy and Brian? I told my mom this too, and she does agree. Then she said, "Well, you're a girl and he's not good with girls." What is Christopher then, a hermaphrodite? Of course not. My dad just can't relate to either of us and we are always at odds with him. My mother has also said, "Well, you should have seen him with you when you were younger - he was really good with you guys." Can't he draw upon this again and treat me like that again? Or is it different because I'm an adult now? Of course, he can't see my as an adult - this is proven in the way he treats other adults. And he doesn't exactly treat me like a child. So I'm just some wacky twist between child and adult and of course, there's no genetic program in the robot to deal with THIS so WHAT NOW?!

That's enough of that.

Do you all like me layout? Hours of fun and games, working that out. Christmas is in 4 hours and 33 minutes.

M | 12/24/2003 07:03:00 PM| comment

***

mardi, décembre 23, 2003

Bleh, you guys, I'm bored.

It doesn't seem Christmassy, but I know it is. Christmas usually has this "feel" to it, but not this year. What's so different, besides being at college and all that happy crappy? Ooh well.

Dunno where the boys are, they must be "out" with "friends." (Probably working late, though. They don't have many friends. Oh, got confirmation that they are working late. Hmm.)

M | 12/23/2003 11:14:00 PM| comment

***
I'm soooo tired. I made ginger snaps because my mom told me to and they look terrible so I haven't had the guts to try one.

Plus, apparently my parents CALLED Winona today, behind my back, and found out all my grades anyway. They knew it all but pretended they didn't. So I am on academic probation so if anyone expects to see any of me over the next semester you got another thing coming. I'm going to study until I go insane or get all As, whatever happens first. I'm not proud of my paltry GPA so there.

Sooooo tired. I'm going to bed early. I go to bed so early and get up so early every day. It sucks because then I have to pee at about 8:00 AM and when I get up once, it takes about an hour to get back to sleep so I'm pretty screwed in that respect. I'm going to own a waterbed someday because they're sooooo comfy.

Projected plans for tomorrow: (aka, my Christmas Eve traditional day)
- sleep
- finish up gifty stuff
- dinner @ 4:00-ish, usually consists of cheese and meat and crackers
- church service @ 5:00-ish
- potential Christmas light scouting, but this is pretty retarded so I hope not
- watch Christmas Vacation
- sleep
- have annual Christmas nightmare of getting nothing/getting shit
- wake up first
- pretend to be pleased while secretly loathing the crap (JAY KAY!!!)
- Chrsistmas dinner!

So you see, i'm not one of those freaks who opens gifts on Christmas Eve and I never will be, you fools.

M | 12/23/2003 10:01:00 PM| comment

***
I spent the night at Dora's house last night (she lives like a quarter mile from Tyler) and slept in a water bed, which was fun and very good sleep. Then today I watched Lord of the Rings: FotR & TT back to back and they were the extended editions so it was like a nine hour marathon. Then when I got home, my dad started in on my grades (I will not be telling them about my GPA yet) and I realized that he hasn't spoken to me at all about anything but my grades. No "how are your friends?" or "how's life?" or anything. I dislike him a lot.

Jack was sitting on my left mouse pad, now he's sitting on the right one. On the mouse.

Eh.

M | 12/23/2003 07:21:00 PM| comment

***
I have a 1.2 GPA . . . is this a very bad thing?

M | 12/23/2003 06:55:00 PM| comment

***

samedi, décembre 20, 2003

"Yoshi was born to ski." (Brian, talking about Mario Party. But this is still funny.)

M | 12/20/2003 03:48:00 PM| comment

***
I

M | 12/20/2003 02:49:00 PM| comment

***
AM

M | 12/20/2003 02:49:00 PM| comment

***
SO

M | 12/20/2003 02:48:00 PM| comment

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BORED

M | 12/20/2003 02:48:00 PM| comment

***
This is my sixth post this hour.

M | 12/20/2003 02:47:00 PM| comment

***
This is my fifth post this hour.

M | 12/20/2003 02:47:00 PM| comment

***
I have to go to the bathroom.

M | 12/20/2003 02:46:00 PM| comment

***
When I did this, I yelled out "whoopsie!" and got glared at by my dad.

M | 12/20/2003 02:46:00 PM| comment

***
My cat is crouching on the rug and staring at the rug. Oh never mind. He got up and walk two feet away and sat down. He did it again! And again! It's funny, because he'll walk and walk and walk and then he'll suddenly sit down and it looks like his legs just gave out. Now he is staring at me. I meowed at him and he meowed back! MEOW! If I spin around suddenly in my chair and look at him, he meows at me and licks his nose. Oh he now just walked and is behind the couch. No other cat in the world moves around so much. He's like "I'M SO RESTLESS THAT I'LL STARE AT YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES THEN WALK OFF AND HIDE." Evidently, I scared the little cretin.

I had way too many thoughts yesterday. Oh and Isaiah, I don't hate you . . . per se. (JAYKAY!) I'd post my IM for you, but, ah, no. I'll just IM you later or you can ask someone for it. Just, please, think about some of the things I said - of course I know I'm not right all the time, but believe I have some valid points - especially about you being a respectable person who deserves more than you give yourself credit for.

And, I also came to another conclusion about another one of you. Kristina, I don't know if you know this about yourself - if anyone's ever told you or whatever - but you are amazingly mature and intelligent, especially considering your age. I know a lot of people, but you provide some bizarrely accurate insight to many things. I talked to my mom about how much I respect you for being yourself and having the courage to tell me to stop being a bitch most of the time. So props to you!

Plus, Stacy, kudos for your epiphany. I'm infinitely proud of you for discovering your true worth because I have believed for awhile that that is your primo problem: you undersell yourself. Again, in a conversation with my mother (I talked to her about everyone, just so you know) I said, "Stacy is an amazing person - she is intelligent, has a good personality, she's very pretty but doesn't know it, she doesn't have any real bad qualities that I know of really, so I don't know why she sells herself short all of the time." So just remember that, kay? Kay.

Erm, I didn't mean for this to turn into a whole thing about abunch of you - it originally started out talking about my cat. I guess my huge conversation with my mom helped me sort out how I see a lot of you as friends. I don't know. We'll see. I hate being existential and mushy - it makes me feel vulnerable. Go fig.

M | 12/20/2003 02:20:00 PM| comment

***
Exciting new development in the world of friends that are failures.

Mindy has gone to Germany. And no, not as a tourist thing. To visit her boyfriend! Who is her boyfriend? Teresa's ex-boyfriend! Teresa and Mindy were best friends until that happened! Oh boy!

Tiffany called me. I saw the caller ID and picked up the phone with trepidation. She is coming over shortly and I don't know what will happen but I hope she doesn't make me make up with Mindy . . . I don't hold grudges at all (I've tried) but what she did to Teresa was wrong and very betray-ish so I can't get over that. Blah blah blah, this story is more than three words so it doesn't matter anymore.

I want everyone to listen to Simple Plan's "perfect" because that is exactly me now. I listened to my dad talking about me behind my back. He thinks my Japan trip is impractical and pointless. What a butthole. Then I listened to that song and thought, "Gee."

And I'm reading a Harry Potter book. Plus, I re-took up this old hobby I used to have that no one would belive I actually do so I won't tell anyone.

I really want to go snowboarding. Really.

M | 12/20/2003 02:08:00 PM| comment

***

vendredi, décembre 19, 2003

This was my mom's suggestion, I shit you not.

I'm going to write a story for a smut magazine. Seriously. My mom, believe it or not, reads these things all the time and on occasion, I pick them up too. (only out of curiosity . . . and when the title is "I Fell in Love With A Handsome Body: Don't Bring Him to the Morgue Just Yet" it has to be a little interesting. and yes, I just turned around, picked up one of them, and that is the exact title.) Easy money. They pay like five hundred dollars for one story, so hey.

M | 12/19/2003 08:11:00 PM| comment

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Kristina: 'you are a really hot man, and i want you to give me some of your man present, but merry christmas anyway"

Interpret as you will.

M | 12/19/2003 03:56:00 PM| comment

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I fell asleep last night at like 5:30 PM. This is due to my staying up all night talking with Stacy and Justin. Mmmm, tacos. Then we actually ate breakfast and I went to pack and Maya gave me a Christmas gift (chopsticks, and this is funny because this is also what Yoko has been promising to give me for a long time!). Then Stacy came back from her exam early and I hadn't even begun packing so I did that quickly and instead of waiting around for Yoshi to come over and give me my DVDs back, we tried to go find his room, but his roommates are failures at being nice, so we had to wait in my room anyway. Of course, he wasn't there at 12:00, even though he was supposed to show up at 11:00 so I put a sign on my door that said, "To Yoshi, You are a failure at being on time but Merry Christmas anyway." And then me and Stacy left and it was fun and stuff and then I went to sleep.

TODAY: I woke up at 4 AM because Brian for some reason had his clock two hours ahead and I wanted to wake up at 6 AM. So after I took a shower, I sat around wondering why no one else was up - shouldn't they be getting ready for school? Of course, no one gets ready for school at 4:48 AM so this was a retarded way of thinking. Then I saw Timmy and he doesn't talk to me because he's afraid of me or something. And Brian informed me of his duck story. He hit a duck in the road the other day and I asked him how this transpired. "Well, i guess the duck was just sitting in the middle of the road and when I came along, it stuck its head up." I think this is enormously funny because he hit a duck because it didn't. (Because it didn't duck, that is.) And plus, my room has this giant cardboard poster of the movie Bruce Almighty, which strikes me as a little bizarre because I was very tired and I walked into my room and there was Jim Carrey! People like to mess with me.

Well off to go Christmas shopping so away I be.

M | 12/19/2003 07:51:00 AM| comment

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mercredi, décembre 17, 2003

I think I'm going to start a novel because I have a brilliant idea. Here it is.

(I'm going to call the protagonist X because I don't have a name for him yet.)

"Chain"

x has been struck with an incurable disease. He will inevitably die and leave his family behind. Yet he wants to ensure a safe future for them. So he discovers the "Chain."

The Chain is a group of people, all struck with an incurable disease. They share a pact between them - kill and you will be killed. It's a mercy killing - a way to gain life insurance. Each member just has to ensure they kill the person before time runs out and they die of natural causes, effectively nullifying life insurance.

Except x is riddled with decent values and all that hooey. He hesitates too long and his target dies. Now the Chain is upset with him for breaking the chain. They go after his family.

. . . .

There, I explained it better than I did to Kristina. I think this is a brilliant, but complex idea.



M | 12/17/2003 11:16:00 PM| comment

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Wow, I just slept solidly for eight hours and woke up to the new episode of South Park. Great, great times.

Well, I should finish cleaning my room. Here goes.

M | 12/17/2003 09:25:00 PM| comment

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....

M | 12/17/2003 11:30:00 AM| comment

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What a peculiar phrase. But I spent most of today alone and it's been heartily relaxing. Cleaned and re-arranged my room, looks spectacular and doesn't smell so bad.

I'm turbo glad I didn't go to the movie. Yoko, by a bizarre chance, was online and we talked a bit. It was great - I miss talking with her all the time. There are few people I miss from my high school and she's one, even though I only knew her for one year. She told me some pretty cool things. It's still a year until I see her again and of all my high school friends, I miss her the most and it's not like I can just make a little trip home and see her. In a strange way, speaking with her makes me homesick, if that makes sense. Yoko usually knows the right thing to say and, looking back, the right things to do. She had the right response to most of the things that happened - be it me dealing with her and Brian, her helping me during prom, and just generally being fun to be around. Plus, she's the only person I know on the whole planet who sucks at mini golf more than me, so it makes for a very funny game. (Me getting 21 on one hole and her 24 . . . both of our scores were something like 250 for this 26 hole mini golf course . . . that was fun times. I had an awesome summer.)

One person I do get to see during break is Dora. It's great, we've been friends for so long - since we were like four or so, I think. And then we grew up far apart (she lived in NC, then Virginia), but still wound up being very similair. I have no doubt I will be going to see LOTR with her - she's a fanatic. She's also gorgeous in her own way and has a very unique personality. I always have fun with her an Jessica when I go to their house. Jessica is a strange person- one that no one can dislike unless they try really hard. She has model-esque looks and I know she works for it so she deserves it. But she's also kind and very wacky so she's not the type of person you hate for being beautiful. I only see these two during the summer, and this is the reason I have very fun summers. But I will see Dora and probably Jess this break too. Awesome.

Ah, reminiscing.

M | 12/17/2003 03:05:00 AM| comment

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mardi, décembre 16, 2003

You know what rage makes my body do? My entire trachea closes and I can't breathe until I sit down and do deep breathing excersises. Because of this, I've actually passed out from rage before. I almost did again, because I had to climb three flights of stairs. Thanks and fuck you all.

M | 12/16/2003 09:56:00 PM| comment

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dimanche, décembre 14, 2003

"You don't have to be a bitch your whole life - there's still time to change."

She wrote something to ME on one of the things on my door. Little fucking bitch.

And no, Stacy, you won't get blamed because you're not here! Let's see Jesse deal with this now! I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!

M | 12/14/2003 04:05:00 AM| comment

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vendredi, décembre 12, 2003

Everybody, your Christmas gifts are finally ready. Well, almost. It still requires me running another errand really fast, but I do have gifts for um, 10 people I think. So if you are one of these lucky people, you will be recieving your gift tomorrow probably. And look forward to it, dammit!

M | 12/12/2003 06:04:00 AM| comment

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Okay, guys. I've got a new screen name and will personally be IMing everyone that will remain on my buddy list. This journal will also not be active for very much longer, but I will be starting a new one elsewhere.

Oh, and if you feel like harassing the jackass, it's "dlbrener" on AIM. Go ahead, he deserves it, the prick.

M | 12/12/2003 05:53:00 AM| comment

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Okay, you guys, I'll be getting a new journal and new screenname and everything because of Mr. Jackass so I'll let you know when that happens. If you still read this, asshole, I hope you're happy. It caused a lot of fucking trouble for me. I hate you a lot.

M | 12/12/2003 12:34:00 AM| comment

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jeudi, décembre 11, 2003

Hey asshole, I told you to leave me alone and you just didn't. You kept persisting, and for God knows why. Get a life, you little moronic fucker. And if I ever hear from you again, you will regret it. I'm a fucking hacker so don't think you're so "anonymous" anymore.

M | 12/11/2003 02:09:00 PM| comment

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You were not a funny person, let me tell you that. Some of the things you said were very asshole-ish and I did not appreciate it at all. Why you IMed me, just so you could make fun of my life, is completely beyond me. Get a clue, dickhead. Don't IM me ever again, or you will regret it.

M | 12/11/2003 01:32:00 AM| comment

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mercredi, décembre 10, 2003

This did happen earlier today, but I didn't post it till now.

Suddenly, one spot in Art opened up and by some bizarre chance, I nabbed it! WHEE! I'm so lucky!

M | 12/10/2003 12:47:00 AM| comment

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mardi, décembre 09, 2003

What is it, National Weird People Day? Everyone was in such peculiar moods today. It was hilarious. Between Kristina either making or not making faces at me from across the room (couldn't tell - I had no vision correction - but I laughed anyway) and Isaiah making an unintentionally very funny comment in Japanese and other such people just being really, really strange . . . it's been a very WEIRD DAY! GAH!

I have to do my laundry and maybe clean my room because it smells like crotch or something in here.

Quote of the day: "Why did they buy so many copies of the same damn book? Oh wait, those are encyclopedias." (me)

M | 12/09/2003 08:04:00 PM| comment

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The funniest thing that has happened to me today:

DeLkArI: where are you right now?
Ninjarotica: fishtank
DeLkArI: ha ha, look to your right
Ninjarotica: i dont see you
Ninjarotica: wave
DeLkArI: of course, i'm in the library
DeLkArI: dumbass
Ninjarotica: GODDAMNIT
DeLkArI: MADE YOU LOOK!

I'm so funny!

M | 12/09/2003 02:24:00 PM| comment

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dimanche, décembre 07, 2003

I lost my map!

M | 12/07/2003 03:50:00 AM| comment

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:: how jedi are you? ::

M | 12/07/2003 02:53:00 AM| comment

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My computer is nearly unusable. This is a huge problem. I need to go to tech support tomorrow, but they are not open, so I have to go Monday, first thing.

[I erased this section because it was ranty and everyone will just bitch about my rants. Go figure. I'm not allowed to express myself.]

M | 12/07/2003 01:05:00 AM| comment

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vendredi, décembre 05, 2003

My English 111 teacher gave me a bit of freedom with our last assignment. Here is an excerpt:

One of the most useless things I ever learned was grammar. Not basic grammar, like nouns and verbs and all that happy crappy ? but more complicated grammar such as a pronoun (a noun which has lost its amateur status) and conjunctions (joining particles ? and I only remember this from School House Rock). The only grammar I will ever need is enough to get me through mad-libs and they never ask for prepositional phrases or any of that hooey. Of course, grammar can also get you into quite a large amount of trouble. Say, for example, one day your friends and you are sitting down to a casual study session and someone says, �gGee whiz, I don�ft have anything to write with.�h Immediately, you and your sharp, grammatically correct mind snap to attention and respond, �gDon�ft end your sentences with a preposition. You should have said, �eI don�ft have anything with which to write.�f�h Promptly, you are beaten to a gory, sad little pulp and no one is the wiser ? certainly not the person who had nothing with which to write. So you see, grammar can kill.

Um, so they should never say, "Well, students, I'm going to let you have a little fun with this assignment," because some of us have way too much fun with it. Like me. I think I'm either going to get an "A" because it's hilarious or an "F" because it's pretty retarded and satirical. I'm voting for the "A."

M | 12/05/2003 07:48:00 AM| comment

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jeudi, décembre 04, 2003

You know how sexed up every awards show is? Well, I watched the Video Game Awards, not expecting any of that stuff, or very little. But Pamela Anderson, of all people in the world, showed up onstage to annouce the best action title and she was being all "Oh, I'll adjust my boobs on national TV" and talking all . . . sex and stuff. Goddammit, it's the VGA, not the Emmys. Why did they even have her on the show? This is retarded. And did I miss best RPG?

M | 12/04/2003 10:44:00 PM| comment

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mercredi, décembre 03, 2003

Not dealing well with human interaction today . . . people are basically driving me mad for no reason other than I just don't feel like being around people. No reason, just that I'm retarded. Geh. It seems like today has been going on forever. At least I can have a very lazy day tomorrow. Paper writing and fun-having and such. Much of that.


M | 12/03/2003 08:22:00 PM| comment

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This is going to sounds retarded, but it's true.

On the news, they announced a rise in reported STD cases. How are any reported at all? If I wake up with a curious itch, I don't alert the census bureau. "Hey, Fred? It burns when I pee. Just letting you know!"

Honestly.

M | 12/03/2003 06:00:00 PM| comment

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~ "he was riding him like a dime-store pony"
~ "sometimes it's best just to not think, and just put it in"
~ "You know mousetraps? What about baby traps? Not to harm them, but just to hold them down so they can't move"
~ "Don't think of it as spoiled milk . . . think of it as free cheese."

M | 12/03/2003 05:15:00 PM| comment

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~ I saw an albino. (Really)
~ Someone was walking around with a giant wooden fork (we're talking a four foot long fork made of wood, folks)
~ I heard the word "fabulous" used in reference to someone's ass
~ My Japanese oral test is completed and I did very well. Yay! Domo arigatoo, Maya-chan!
~ I plan on doing nothing for at least an hour
~ The paper I am going to write for English class will be very entertaining, because I finally have freedom and have a spectacular idea.
~ Um, my post-it notes are very colorful and remind me of a butterfly.
~ I came up with many an excellent idea for many a thing.

THAT'S IT!

M | 12/03/2003 03:13:00 PM| comment

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I re-read some old journal entries of mine and realized I was different a month ago. I know why this is, and who is to blame for it. But oh well.

Christmahanukwanzaa celebrations begin with the ceremonious carving of the turducken. Go figure.

M | 12/03/2003 11:06:00 AM| comment

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Today Update:
~ Missed the bus to Asstronomy, so it's an extra hour of study time for Japanese.
~ Have to write a quick paper still for English.
~ Need to talk to Z. Shepherd about getting into a flute lesson class.

Monticello Update:
~ Saturday, some dude died in a car fire. Apparently, the car was on fire, but the rescuers didn't know there was someone in there when they put it out. It's unclear whether the fire killed him or the chemicals in the extinguisher did.
~ A kid in Timmy's class died in a car accident. He went out to get the mail, dropped a piece, and a car just ran over him. He died instantly. Geez, the kid was only twelve. Timmy's age. This is why we aren't allowed to get the mail at our house: it is situated next to a hill so that any cars approaching from that direction don't slow down because they wouldn't see us. Getting the mail at my house is a carefully timed ordeal. So the same thing could easily happen there, to Timmy. I feel sorry for the kid's parents.
~ There was apparently some big police shooting this week. They chased some criminal into our town and there was gunfire exchanged. They shot the guy, but he didn't die.
Exciting news from my town, no? Geez.

In other news, the weather is unfortunately cold, but not cold enough. There's not enough moisture in the air for it to snow, so we have to suffer through bitter, snowless days.

And for our sports, we'll go to our correspondent - oh wait, we don't have a sports correspondent? We don't even have sports? Go figure.

Bill?

M | 12/03/2003 10:29:00 AM| comment

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mardi, décembre 02, 2003

Yep, like my title says, I'm still in the library. Go figure. I've done about twelve pages of Japanese homework, so my brain is pretty damn full of Japanese right now. Plus, I've seen (in chronological order, because my mind is working this way now) Yoppi, Akko, Maya, and Tomo. Interesting, ne?

Well, more homework.

Later. And such.

M | 12/02/2003 05:08:00 PM| comment

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This is mostly boring, but good for me to type:

~ Math class
~ library for about five hours
~ lab
~ maybe library again, but probably back to my room
~ homework, depending on what's left
~ Final Fantasy X2!!! (Notice I put it last, so that I will do it LAST)

It's really boring in the library. Two hours and counting. Bleah. I'll be here for about two and a half more, if anyone cares. Currently, I am on the first floor, but I expect I'll be moving around some more. I was on the second floor for a bit, then I wandered around for about ten minutes just because, and I moved down here! Whoo-frickin-hoo.

Christmahanukwanzaa celebration! Let's all have turducken!

M | 12/02/2003 03:13:00 PM| comment

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Did I mention that my really nice, supposed-to-be $70 but-on-sale-for $40 chair broke yesterday too? I tripped over the edge of it when I was cleaning my room and it ended up with a lot of pain and bent metal. And swearing. And "Why is everything happening to me? Why can't it happen to someone who has too much happiness right now?"

And my skin and eyes are very dry right now and it's annoying, but oh well.

I spent way too much time by myself yesterday. For example, I was sitting in my room at around 4:00 AM and started laughing about something my brother said four days ago. I laughed for something like 10 minutes. Verrrry funny stuff though. It involves holidays.

M | 12/02/2003 11:42:00 AM| comment

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lundi, décembre 01, 2003

Instead of continuing the list of things that went wrong today, I'll start a list of things that went right:(not chronologically)

Met up with Maya and Akko and they laughed over my terrible Japanese grammar in my paper. ???????????�}??????! Twas fun.

Had nachos and Pop-Tarts for dinner.

Cleaned my room quite well.

Studied effectively for Japanese oral exam. I speak very slowly and carefully, but Maya assures me I do well. She likes to help me study!

Took detailed notes for Asstronomy.

Actually attended English . . . and had a quiz! Yippee!!

Saw Maki - she is always fun to talk to. She reminds me of Heeyeon. (Oh, yeah, I have to write a letter to Heeyeon, because she moved into her new house today! GO HEEYEONI! << "heeyeoni" is her nickname, even though it's longer . . . hmm.

Oh, I just remembered a funny story about Heeyeon.

In my high school, there are many flags hanging from the ceiling that are supposed to represent all over the world and such. Heeyeon pointed out one day that there was no Korean flag and then she started running around and saying "They can put up this poster, but no Korean flag. They don't need this table!" It was funny - every thing she thought they wasted money on, she pointed out and said they could have spent the money on a Korean flag instead. Yoko thought this was absolutely hilarious and every time they put up a new poster or thing in school, she would say, "That's not a Korean flag." or "They don't need that." or "Look at that, Heeyeon," and start laughing. This goes to show you all that Heeyeon is a very funny and strange person and that Yoko laughs as easily as I do. I miss them both!!

Ah, nostalgia.

M | 12/01/2003 11:09:00 PM| comment

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I can assure you that if you think you're having a bad day, I'm having a worse one. Guaranteed.

Got up bright and early, thanks to whoever in the hallway was PUSHING A SHOPPING CART AROUND AT SIX AM!

Couldn't fall back asleep.

Got up.

Tried to register, realized there is a hold on me.

Also realized that I'm failing every class.

Panicked.

Went to Asstronomy, realized I have a small shred of hope.

Went to Registrar's office to fix registration problem.

They directed me to Admissions.

Admissions said I hadn't turned in my final transcript and must have it faxed from my high school. Yay.

Went to Minne to find the Study Abroad/International thingy.

Didn't find it, but walked around Minne a lot.

Came back. Tried to go to the Study Abroad office in Lourdes. The lady was leaving just as I was arriving. I hate life.

Went to my room. Picked up the phone to call my high school to have them fax the transcript.

Phone is dead. Must wait an hour for charging.

I want to die or kill someone. I'd skip all the rest of my classes today but this would make my life even worse and I can't afford it. If I'm not at dinner, please don't worry - I've just killed myself.

M | 12/01/2003 11:45:00 AM| comment

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After a frantic and a little panicky search through my room for my memory card, I finally plugged Final Fantasy X2 into my PS2 and started it up. Don't worry, no spoilers ahead.

Great game so far, and I'm 8% through it. One drawback is that it's definitely geared towards girls so I can't see any guys enjoying it too much. This is why, I think, Square decided to have all three of the girls wearing minimal clothing throughout the game - to aim in towards the guy population. Hmm, maybe they do have clever marketing. Graphics are good, the voice overs and facial expressions are done much better. Storyline is lacking ("Oh I'm chasing after a remote possibility and I change clothes a lot! Eeeeh!") but everything is pretty good. I can see it ruining my paltry GPA, so maybe I shouldn't have found my memory card. Go figure.

M | 12/01/2003 12:30:00 AM| comment

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